Managing Sibling Conflict During COVID-19
Can’t we all just get along? The conflict between siblings is a common part of family life, but the increased time together throughout the pandemic may mean the bickering in your home is at an all-time high. As kids (and parents) continue to navigate the uncertainty of COVID-19, let's make sure you have the tools you need to help keep the peace.
Our guest experts, Dr. Mandy Morrill, Dr. Jonathan Caspi, and Rev. Susan Nason, provided ideas and strategies for managing sibling tension in order to have happier and healthier family relationships during this already challenging time.
Table of Contents
Key Moments
Listen back to specific questions posed by our moderator Christopher Odudu, Ph.D.
(1:46) Why we wanted to have this conversation.
(3:42) Introduction to our guest experts Rev. Susan Nason, Dr. Mandy Morrill, and Dr. Jonathan Caspi; and moderator Dr. Christopher Odudu
(5:35) What causes sibling rivalry and is it possible to have siblings without rivalry?
(6:48) What are some benefits of having siblings?
(9:52) How can we tell when sibling conflict has crossed over from being typical sibling squabbles to abuse or maltreatment? What are some of the long-term consequences of sibling abuse?
(17:14) How can I nurture the sibling bond and help my kids get along with each other better?
(21:49) How does the ongoing conflict between parents affect sibling relationships?
(26:11) How has the pandemic impacted sibling and family dynamics?
(31:08) What are some strategies parents can use when siblings become physically aggressive with each other?
(36:24) When should parents intervene in sibling disputes? What about if they are getting physical?
(44:24) For our young adult/college-aged children who have had to move home because of the pandemic, how can we help manage the changed or changing family dynamics?
(49:22) Do you have any additional thoughts or suggestions for counselors helping foster families with sibling conflict?
(51:40) What can we do when one sibling doesn’t want to play with the other who wants to be with them?
(56:00) What is one message you have right now for parents about managing sibling dynamics?
Reflection Questions
Webinars and resources are all well and good, but having a ton of information is only as helpful as you can do something with it. Take a few moments with yourself, your partner, or others in your circle of support to reflect on the following questions and process the insights and tips that stood out most to you.
How have your children’s relationships with each other changed since the COVID-19 pandemic began - for better and for worse?
How do you usually handle sibling conflict in your family, and what strategies might you try after this webinar?
How can you model healthy conflict and conflict resolution for your children within your own relationships (for example, with a significant other, family members, etc)?
What is one thing you will try to avoid doing or saying to your kids after hearing from the guest experts in sibling relationships?
Additional Related Resources
Recommendations from Our Guest Panelists
Sibling Development: Implications for Mental Health Practitioners by Dr. Jonathan Caspi (Springer Publishing Company)
Sibling Aggression: Assessment and Treatment by Dr. Jonathan Caspi (Springer Publishing Company)
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen tips and resources compiled by Rev. Susan Nason
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adela Faber and Elaine Mazlish (W. W. Norton & Company)
How the Pandemic is Impacting Sibling Relationships
The Psychology Behind Sibling Rivalry by Jessica Grose (The New York Times)
Oh, Good, the Kids Are Fighting Again by Christina Caron (The New York Times)
One More Relationship Tested by the Pandemic: Siblings by Katherine Rosman (The New York Times)
The pandemic is testing sibling rivalry -- and you by Katie Hunt (CNN)
Benefits of Siblings
New research shows siblings can make you more empathic by Sheri Madigan, Jennifer Jenkins, and Marc Jambon (The Conversation)
The Sibling Bond by Jeffrey Kluger (TEDxAsheville)
“Our parents leave us too early, our spouse and our children come along too late. Our siblings are the only ones who are with us for the entire ride. Over the arc of decades, there may be nothing that defines us and forms us more powerfully than our relationship with our sisters and brothers.”
Sibling Rivalry
Sibling Rivalry (C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, University of Michigan)
Why Parents Should Let Their Kids Argue by Jennifer Traig (The Atlantic)
When Siblings Won't Stop Fighting by Katherine Martinelli (Child Mind Institute)
10 Tips for Dealing With Sibling Rivalry (Cleveland Clinic)
Sibling Conflict in Adolescence by Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D. (Psychology Today)
12 Ways to Support Siblings of Children with Disabilities (The Inclusion Lab, Brookes Publishing)
Siblings of Children with Disabilities by Avidan Milevsky Ph.D. (Psychology Today)
Q&A: When kids resent an adopted sibling (Focus on the Family Canada)
Bite-Sized Excerpts from This Webinar
One Key Way to Improve Sibling Relationships
Why You Shouldn’t Compare Siblings
What are the effects of parents arguing in front of children?
3 Steps for Managing Children’s Behavior
How can I foster good sibling relationships?
Nurturing Foster and Adoptive Sibling Relationships
Why are my kids so physical with each other?
What do I do when my kids’ fighting becomes aggressive?
How do parent relationships influence sibling relationships?
Meet Our Guests & Moderator
Mandy Morrill, Ed.D.
Dr. Mandy Morrill joined the faculty at Valparaiso University in 2010 and serves as the program director for the graduate program in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Dr. Morrill’s primary research interest involves examining the long-term consequences of abusive sibling relationships. Within this sphere of research, Dr. Morrill also studies gender issues related to abuse and has published research regarding male victimization and female perpetration. Additionally, she has engaged in research related to the impact of sibling abuse on interpersonal competencies and self-esteem. Dr. Morrill has presented her research at national conferences and has facilitated a number of workshops for clinicians regarding supervision, and domestic violence issues. Dr. Morrill has been interviewed regarding her research on abuse in multiple countries and has been a featured guest on Radio Health Journal. Dr. Morrill brings her clinical experience to her teaching, research, and supervision as she has practiced in domestic violence shelters, served as a court advocate and rape crisis counselor, and has counseled, as well as advocated, for both men and women recovering from abuse and trauma. Dr. Morrill is a national board-certified mental health counselor (NCC) and also holds her LMHC in the state of Indiana.
Jonathan Caspi, Ph.D.
Dr. Caspi has been focused on sibling relationships most of his academic life. His scholarship has focused on destructive sibling aggression, the influence of siblings in human development, and on parenting siblings. In addition to being a full-time professor at Montclair State University in the Department of Family Science & Human Development, where he teaches courses on sibling relationships, he is also a family therapist. Drawing from both his experiences as an academic and as a clinician, he formulated two important approaches; an empirically-based sibling aggression treatment approach for human service practitioners, and a new theoretical framework for parenting siblings. Both involved translating empirical findings into practical practice and parenting applications. He is currently writing his third book on siblings with the working title Be Nice to Your Sister! And other ridiculous things we say: 6 Simple Concepts for Keeping the Peace at Home, a book for parents. It should be out this time next year on Guilford Publishing. He has written on other subjects, has a fourth book, his work has appeared in multiple peer-reviewed journals and influential handbooks on interpersonal violence. Dr. Caspi also is a media consultant and has appeared in many news stories in outlets including WNPR, WHYY, WNYC, Verizon News 1, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, CNN, Huffington Post, Yahoo News, and elsewhere.
Susan Nason
Susan Nason is the founder of The Parent Whisperer NY. She has a thriving domestic and global Parent Counseling practice specializing in exploring conscious parenting, employing therapeutic and practical approaches to the challenges of raising children. Susan teaches concrete, compassionate and effective communication skills to parents and teachers of children of all ages. Susan is an experienced facilitator of the “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” and “Siblings Without Rivalry” workshops. She was trained and certified by her Aunt, award-winning author, and parenting expert Adele Faber, and by co-author Elaine Mazlish. Susan has facilitated parenting workshops for a multitude of leading schools, institutes, and corporations including The Ackerman Institute for the Family, All Souls Church School, Horace Mann Nursery School, The Brick Church School, First Presbyterian Church Nursery School, Barrow Street Nursery School, Rockefeller Children’s School, Ross Global Academy, Girl’s Prep, Chelsea Day, The Manny Cantor Center, Beit Rabban, The Peck Street School, Bowery Babes, and The Seleni Institute. Her practice includes teacher training for schools in the tri-state area. She has been a speaker for the United Federation of Teachers, the Parents’ League, Hudson River Park Mama’s, Dechert LLP, and other organizations, schools, and private groups. Susan was the Assistant to Director of The First Presbyterian Church Nursery School for 36 years; her position included working with parents as the school’s Parent Educator and working with teachers to facilitate a harmonious atmosphere in their classrooms. Susan is a contributing author of Onward and Upward: Guide For Getting Through New York Divorce & Family Law Issues. She has a Spiritual Counseling Certification and is an Ordained Interspiritual/Interfaith Minister. Susan brings her love and compassion of being a proud mother and ecstatic grandmother to her work with parents, teachers, and children.
Christopher Odudu, Ph.D.
Dr. Christopher Odudu is an Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychological Sciences at Missouri Southern State University. He is originally from Long Beach, California and earned his Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from California State University, Dominguez Hills (CSUDH). He received his Ph.D. from the University of Missouri, Columbia under the supervision of Dr. Nicole Campione-Barr. His dissertation project focused on sibling relationships and individual adjustment within the context of holistic family dynamics.
He hopes his work can inform appropriate family communication and interconnectedness as adolescents develop into young adults. His research interests broadly include adolescent sibling relationships and how family dynamics and processes impact adolescent development and adjustment. Additionally, he is interested in how sibling dynamics change as they age.
Pandemic Parenting is a collaboration between two psychologists, scholars, and moms committed to sharing their expertise and research in ways that are immediately accessible and useful to families. Learn more about Dr. Amanda Zelechoski and Dr. Lindsay Malloy.