Mom Guilt & “Good Enough” Pandemic Parenting
Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough as a parent? Like you might be totally screwing this up and maybe even making things worse for your kids? We’re right there with you. Parenting was already hard, and now we're navigating a pandemic on top of it.
In our latest Pandemic Parenting Exchange webinar, Mom Guilt & “Good Enough” Pandemic Parenting we talked about the self-doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty that has come with pandemic parenting. We also shared what the research says about “good enough” parenting, especially in times of crisis.
We were thrilled to have Dr. Sharon Lamb, psychologist and author of The Not Good Enough Mother, join the conversation as our guest expert.
Table of Contents
Key Moments & Shared Resources
Listen back to specific questions posed by our moderator, Agata Freedle. Included below are links that we shared in the webinar’s chat.
(2:17) Let’s start with the idea of “mom guilt.” Where does that term come from? What do we mean by that?
(9:38) So, there’s mom guilt in general. But, what about during this pandemic? What are parents feeling guilty about right now?
(20:52) Why the focus on “mom guilt” as opposed to “parent guilt?”
“Mom Shaming Is Running Rampant During the Pandemic” (by Rosemary Counter; The New York Times)
To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma (by Molly Millwood)
(29:08) Sharon, your most recent book is called The Not Good Enough Mother. Can you tell us about why you wrote the book and your thoughts on what makes a “good enough” parent?
The Not Good Enough Mother (by Dr. Sharon Lamb)
(39:08:) How has the concept of parenting or the way we parent changed over time?
“A Manifesto Against Parenting” (by Alison Gopnik; The Wall Street Journal)
(43:06) Right now, in the middle of a pandemic, what does “good enough” parenting look like?
Live Q&A
(46:28) How much of the guilt and shame we feel is rooted in the Western culture, and specifically the American values of meritocracy and independence? How can we be expected to support each other when we are expected to be individually exceptional?
(50:00) How does the idea of the “good enough” mother differ across different minority populations and socioeconomic groups?
(53:15) What can we do about “grandparent guilt” right now?
(54:14) Sharon, what advice or message do you want to give to all the parents out there experiencing guilt about their parenting, especially during the pandemic?
Reflection Questions
Webinars and resources are all well and good, but having a ton of information is only as helpful as you can do something with it. Take a few moments to reflect on the following questions as you process the insights and tips that stood out most to you.
As Dr. Sharon Lamb said, “You matter too.” How can you remind your child(ren) that your feelings, needs, desires, etc. matter – even (and maybe especially) during a pandemic?
What sorts of things have you been feeling guilty about during the pandemic? Are they different from things you might have felt guilty about before the pandemic?
What are some new ways you can try to let go of parenting-related guilt?
What does “good enough” parenting look like for you in the pandemic?
Additional Resources We’ve Found Helpful
“The Pandemic is a Mental Health Crisis for Parents” (by Jessica Grose; The New York Times)
“How to Let Go of Working-Mom Guilt” (by Sheryl Ziegler; Harvard Business Review)
“7 Ways to Deal with Mom Guilt” (by Heidi Murkoff and editorial team; whattoexpect.com)
“First Things First: Parent Psychological Flexibility and Self-Compassion During COVID-19”(by Lisa W. Coyne et al.; Association for Behavior Analysis International)
“Wrangling Kids’ Distance Learning While Working From Home Is A Hellscape” (by Kim Simon; The Huffington Post)
Meet Our Guest & Moderator
Sharon Lamb, Ph.D.
Dr. Sharon Lamb is a Professor of Counseling Psychology at UMass Boston and has published numerous books and articles on child development and psychology, including her most recent book, The Not Good Enough Mother.
Agata Freedle, LPC, NCC
Our moderator, Agata Freedle, is an Assistant Professor in the Clinical Mental Health program at Lindenwood University and a licensed professional counselor. She holds a certificate in the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics (NMT), which allows her to better understand the impact traumatic events have on individuals’ brain development and choose treatment that is developmentally and neurobiologically sensitive. Her research focuses include trauma, grief and loss, specifically exploring factors that can foster resilience and positive psychological change following adverse experiences. She has a two and a half year old daughter who loves attending graduate level classes on Zoom so she can “talk to mommy’s friends.”
Pandemic Parenting is a collaboration between two psychologists, scholars, and moms committed to sharing their expertise and research in ways that are immediately accessible and useful to families. Learn more about Dr. Amanda Zelechoski and Dr. Lindsay Malloy.